Catching up

It's been a lot of ups and downs this week.  Trying to stay positive in stressful times is exhausting!  As the last few weeks took me from being in a committed 8 year relationship with someone I gave a lot up for to being left alone, broken, and empty I came to some clarity and put it all out on the table.  Despite a lot happening in a few short weeks, you'd think I wouldn't be able to look past that and try to regain and regrow our relationship...but I offered my thoughts on the situation.  Where things went wrong...where we missed the signs that we were losing touch with each other in our efforts to keep our own lives going.  I always thought that if we could get the routine down and just keep plugging though, we would be fine...but what we were missing were those moments where getting out of our routine would have brought us together and strengthened us even more.

We are different people...but our differences have always kept us together and we've always been able to use that to our advantage.  In looking back...we put ourselves in situations that highlighted the differences and left us wondering what was keeping us together.  My partner found friends that didn't ever have the chance to see our strengths, so of course sharing with them what we were going through wouldn't necessarily get him the balanced advice that would have been helpful.  I worked in a different way and tried to process everything on my own...without the support of friends and family...leaving me exhausted and unable to share with him how I was coping.  It just was not set up to succeed.  We tried counseling...I was committed...as for him I'm still not sure if he went just to say we tried...or if he was there in a true effort to bring us back together.  I can't help but think "What if we had found a better counselor that helped us tap into our strengths rather than highlight how different we are."  But as many "What Ifs" I come up with...nothing can get that time back.  In reflecting on all of this I created a list of things that...if we do move on in this relationship, and get past the last few weeks...we can do to ensure we not only reconnect, but we get stronger and stronger as a couple.

I am prepared for either answer that he brings back to me.  He needs time and I understand that.  He has found a refreshing freedom in the last few weeks...while I had been caught in a lonely tunnel.  If that freedom that he found was from the joy of change...and we choose to change together...than we will.  If that freedom was because I was not a part of his life...than we will move on.  I believe in myself either way.  I have found strength in friends near and far and know that there are brighter days...even when I struggle to visualize them.  And I take some comfort in knowing that if I don't use the tools I've found would help this relationship...I am confident that I this experience was needed to make my next relationship even stronger.

Now back to some pictures of hot guys!   I can't believe I missed Tattoo Tuesdays!
-Rin